Key Highlights
- Celebrity writer Carol Midgley expresses strong dislike for Christmas music, especially the new song by Kylie Minogue.
- The article cites examples of Christmas songs that send the author into “wall-kicking existential despair.”
- Kylie’s new song “XMAS” is described as the worst Christmas song ever recorded according to Midgley.
Carol Midgley’s Battle with Christmas Music
The festive season can be a time of joy and cheer, but for some, it triggers an existential crisis. Carol Midgely, a respected writer for The Times, has expressed her deep-seated aversion to the constant barrage of holiday tunes that fill the airwaves during December.
Why Christmas Music is an “Allergy”
Midgley’s disdain for Christmas music goes beyond mere annoyance. She describes it as a “spiral of existential despair” that can only be alleviated by drastic actions such as setting one’s hair on fire or hurling themselves off the roof. The author uses this hyperbolic language to emphasize her point, highlighting just how impactful these songs can be for those who share her sentiment.
Kylie Minogue’s “XMAS” Song: A New Low
In her latest article, Midgley singles out a new Christmas song by Kylie Minogue titled “XMAS.” According to the writer, this track is not only the worst she has heard but also one of the most infantile and poorly constructed. The song involves Minogue singing “X-M-A-S” repeatedly while making the shapes of the letters with her arms in the video—a move that Midgley finds particularly grating.
Impact on Retail Staff
Midgley also delves into the broader impact of relentless Christmas music, mentioning a woman who quit her job after enduring constant playback from an overly persistent colleague. This anecdote serves to underscore the article’s theme and provides context for those who may have experienced similar situations.
Other Stories in The Times
The piece concludes with a light-hearted nod to more recent news items, including a story about a woman rescued from a shallow puddle after driving through it despite warning signs. Midgley uses this as an opportunity to comment on the broader issue of people taking unnecessary risks and the lack of common sense in certain scenarios.
Andrew’s Christmas Cracker Jokes
In a final touch, the article references Andrew, a member of the royal family, who has been the subject of some humorous jokes this holiday season. Midgley pokes fun at these jokes but also provides a fair warning that they may not be as funny to others.
Carol Midgley’s piece serves as both an entertaining read and a reminder for those who love Christmas music to be mindful of their fellow humans who might be feeling anything but festive.
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