A Sack of Bilge: End, at the Dorfman Theatre, Reviewed

A Scathing Review: “End” at the Dorfman Theatre

Clive Owen, a world-class talent often associated with high-profile film roles, has taken on a play titled “End” at the Dorfman Theatre. The National Theatre, known for its esteemed productions, has apparently lumbered him with what critics are now calling “bilge.” Lloyd Evans, The Spectator’s theatre critic, reviews this latest offering with biting criticism.

Clive Owen and Saskia Reeves in a Dull Drama

The play centers around Alfie and Julie, two 59-year-old characters who have achieved success but are stuck in life’s monotony. Clive Owen plays Alfie, a former DJ who made a fortune during the ecstasy era, while Saskia Reeves portrays Julie, a writer dealing with boredom and seeking to write her memoirs.

Evans is unimpressed by their dialogue, describing it as “decent” at best. The characters spend 90 minutes rambling about meaningless topics in their cluttered kitchen, which looks outdated for their supposed fashionable lifestyle. Evans notes that Alfie wears a stained tracksuit and plastic slippers, while Julie’s outfit is described as dull and mismatched.

Weak Dialogue and Poor Plot Development

The plot takes a brief turn when Alfie learns he has cancer but decides against chemotherapy. His girlfriend, Julie, attempts to convince him otherwise, leading them on a journey that includes a trip to Tijuana for “miraculous remedies.” Evans finds the dialogue in this section just as bland and unconvincing as before.

The reviewer points out that both characters are nothing more than “moaning dimwits” who swear constantly. They spend much of their time discussing an “unseen character named Boring Tone,” with Alfie’s comment, “Boring Tone was so effing boring after speaking to him I needed a lie down,” serving as one example of the dialogue Evans finds particularly grating.

Unsatisfying Conclusion and Unoriginal Plot

The climax involves Alfie witnessing his neighbors engaged in noisy sex, leading to an emotional breakdown for Julie. She smashes a teapot from World War II on the floor and screams into an expensive Peruvian cushion. Evans finds this scene both amusing but ultimately disconnected from the rest of the script.

Evans concludes that despite Clive Owen’s involvement, “End” is a poorly written play with a weak plot.

The National Theatre should be more discerning in its casting choices, given that it has hired world-class talent like Owen. However, he laments that this production is an embarrassment for the theatre.

Another Show to Consider: “Ride the Cyclone”

While “End” receives harsh criticism, Evans also reviews a different show at Southwark Playhouse called “Ride the Cyclone.” This Canadian musical by Jacob Richmond and Brooke Maxwell stars a cast of characters who were killed in an accident involving a fairground ride. The story centers around six teenagers who must vote on which one will return to life.

Evans notes that the show, despite its predictability, is somewhat enjoyable. He mentions that some of the personalities are predictable, such as Mischa, a Ukrainian refugee who acts like a gangster but is actually vulnerable and wants to marry his sweetheart.

Noel dreams of becoming a cabaret artiste and performs raunchy musical numbers in a stripper’s costume.

Despite these humorous moments, Evans finds that the show fails to engage its audience deeply due to the lack of character development. He concludes by noting that while “Ride the Cyclone” is entertaining, it lacks depth, making it undemanding for audiences seeking more complex narratives.

Ride the Cyclone opens at Southwark Playhouse until 10 January 2026, and End continues at Dorfman Theatre until 17 January 2026. For those looking for a more engaging experience, Evans suggests that “Ride the Cyclone” might be worth watching.

Note: All dates and names have been preserved as per original content.